The Black Moshannon ("Black Mo"): An incredible, yet deadly creature

Sept 14, 2008: I'm sure you have watched the mountain sections of the Tour de France and thought, "I could do that, maybe not as fast, but it doesn't look that hard." No? OK, so I'm the only naive, arrogant bastard that has thought that before. Not to worry, one experience with the deadly Black Moshannon has shocked me back into reality.

The Black Mochannon ride is rare, serpentine creature that stretches over 40miles of rural Pennsylvania countryside. In fact, it is only found just outside State College. The fear that it inflicts is from the slow, painful attacks it strikes to its prey's lower body. What is so deadly about the Black Moshannon? It does not strike only once, but 3 times with many smaller nibbles along the way. The strike comes silently, the only sound being the slow grinding of your gears. This should not be taken lightly; not all are as lucky as I in making it out alive. However, the attacks not only affect the legs, but spread to the very heart, soul and mind. As you see in the video on the bottom, I am already becoming senile only halfway through the second attack (and completely butchered the quote).

You may wonder, "Why even mess with this beast?" The Black Mo is the modern-day Muse, whose mystical songs are the fantastic views of rolling Pennsylvanian green valleys. Not only was my breath taken by the relentless climbing, but also the amazing scenery. The ride even hosts an old man sitting on his porch with his dog at his side all day, staring into space, but eagerly (as eagerly as "an old man sitting on the porch with is dog at his side all day" can) waving and wishing you a good day as you trickle by. I feel there are few better ways to see the beautiful PA countryside than from a dance with the Black Mo.

Oddly, because I never get lost, I did manage to miss a turn in the very heart of the Black Moshannon. However, the missed turn did provide benefits besides extending the ride by 7 miles and throwing in several healthy climbs (oops, I forgot we were talking about benefits). With my minor miscalculation I was able to see a house that decided a first floor is much better suited as firewood storage and another house that is simply birdy over bird houses (too much?).

Be warned, the final strike is the most painful. When you are beginning to think of home, the Black Mo inflicts its final strike. The 3rd strike is not the longest, but holds a steep incline which in your weakened state will test your very will for survival. When I made that final pass there were angles singing and all the creatures of the forest lined the road to congratulate me on my successful evasion of the doom of the Black Mo (or I was simply halucinating). The best part of the long climbs, other than developing veins the size of pythons popping out of your legs, are the several miles of long descents where you coast at 30+mph without a single pedal stroke.

I have to admit, with all the glory that Black Mo presents, it is merely an earthworm compared to the Tour's mountains (a really big, scary earthworm, like the one from "Tremors".....well, maybe not that big). As I slowed to a stop before my house, I knew that I had encountered a creature like none other, and I couldn't wait to ride it again. If you are still reading about my encounter with the Black Mo and are not hiding for safety under your covers, then maybe you too should consider the incredible, yet deadly dance of the Back Mo.