I think the ice had it in for me...

Ancient sages often philosophized (that’s hard to even say in my head) the question: what do you do when Arctic freeze crushes the world like Godzilla stomping small cars under his foot? The answer: GO ICE CLIMBING, of course!!!

My two-day binge of ice began at 4:15AM on Friday morning. Soon I was stumbling out the door into -5degree temperatures and beginning the 5hr drive out to the Catskills of southern New York. Specifically, I was heading to a town called Tannersville. Having spent the last week struggling to get up before 7AM, it was rewarding to think that by 7AM today I was already several hours into the day. AWESOME, don’t you think?

When I finally got off the highway and started heading up a narrow ravine with periodic smearings of thick ice into the town of Tannersville, I began to become nostalgic about the Adirondacks. The last time I was in the ‘dacks was before I left Saratoga Springs. The ‘dacks definitely aren’t the mouth-watering 13,000ft peaks of the West. The ‘dacks are like that car that you have been driving for the last 10years. Parked next to a Ferrari, your old faithful just looks like its blocking the view of the Ferrari; kind of like how I refused to called the peaks of the ‘dacks anything but “hills” the first year up there. But, when you look at your combustion-powered-best-friend, you see all the amazing adventures that those four wheels, spacious trunk, and roof rack have provided you. In fact, when you think about, that car is pretty much the biggest badass you know. Sure hot women aren’t falling all over you to get a ride in your car, but when it comes right down to it, this companion has brought you over 180,000 adventures and its got many more to give. I promise an Adirondack adventure in the near future.

But alas, I digress. Meeting up with Kevin at the local Stewarts (and making a mental note of the $2.79 half-gallon ice cream special) we were off to a friendly climbing spot called the Hell Hole, sounds promising. If I were to admit something that you may not know about me, I would say that I am likely one of the laziest people I know. If my third personality would allow my second personality his way, I wouldn’t leave the couch. So, you can imagine how pleased all my personalities were to face the shortest approach to a climb that I have ever experienced: maybe 30 yards…downhill!

As we were finishing up our first anchor to rappel into the heartwarming Hell Hole, we heard an enormous explosion below us. I turned to Kevin with wide and slightly disappointed eyes thinking for certain he was about to say, “Well, Mike, all the ice in the valley just collapsed, so I guess we might as well call it a day.” Fortunately, my decibel gauge for the sound of falling ice is poorly calibrated, however, a large portion of the wall did collapse. NOTE: for all those mothers out there, specifically all of mine, this was perfectly safe. For all those non-mothers, IT WAS PRETTY AWESOME!!

Needless to say, this was an amazing day. Frigid temps, but clear skies, sun, and beautiful steep, sustained ice. Seeing as I don’t believe in the fad of “warming up” nor in “easing into things” we climbed hard all day. I even pulled a dry tool undercling move that was completely inefficient but would have impressed all the women…if only there were women there. We topped it off at the end with a pretty incredible mixed route. Then as if it couldn’t get any better, I filled up on Mexican and Tecate before making the return trip in probably the strangest town I have ever seen (imagine a town you would see in an amusement park with buildings that have windows and blinds painted onto the walls and it looking like a paint store exploded in the middle of the town. Now, make that real life. Welcome to Tannersville).

As I cruised back to State College, unable to straighten my fingers due to the prolonged pump, I kept thinking, “I get to do this all over again tomorrow! I love living a make-believe life!”

Sleeping in to a late 6:30AM start, I stumbled out the door into -10degree temperatures. Meeting up with CJ and Aaron, we were on our way to the town of Confluence, PA (whoever came up with the names for PA towns was probably the least creative person. Let’s consider a few: State College: where the state college is; Confluence: at the confluence of two rivers; Intercourse: where the Amish live; Blue Ball: …well you get the idea).

Considering how awesome yesterday’s approach was, you can imagine the pity party I began to throw when I heard it was an hour plus approach to the climb. Is it really so hard just a build a road directly to the cliff? (kidding, well kind of…) To my great pleasure, however, this was one of the best hour plus approaches I have ever had. It included two miles along a perfectly flat bike path that walked along (yes bike paths can “walk along”) a scenic flowing river, then a 1000foot hike straight up a mere “400foot hike.” But the quarry-made cliff hosted some impressive ice (who says man’s incessant raping of the land hasn’t improved outdoor sport?). While a little thin and surprisingly wet for sub-zero temps, the ice was great. Again, I held true to my commitment to break the fad of “warming up” and we just went for the steep ice.

To top off the ice binge I jumped on one final climb in order to demonstrate a little mixed climbing technique. After be successfully shutdown by the rock, I hopped on the ice. Not only did the pump in my arms scream, “Not today, mister!” but then the wall threw in one final kick to my wounded pride with a nice punch of ice in the face, effectively saying, “Go home, loser.”

With a trickle of blood from the corner of my eye, I could only gleam a smug little smile. “What happened to your eye, a bar fight?” “No, falling ice…while I was ice climbing.” That’s right, I’m a badass (or incredibly uncoordinated), wanna ride in my badass car?

More pictures can be found at:

Weekend of Arctic freeze